Wednesday, April 16, 2014

dirty talk

It had been a minute since I've engaged in a steamy sexting session that culminated in actually having an orgasm. Sexting is kind of meh for me and usually I can take it or leave it. But sometimes...sometimes I'm in just the right mood or he will say just the right thing and I'm a goner.

Enter Cash the other night. I texted to check on him as I saw on Facebook where he'd had an um, incident occur at his home. That dude has the weirdest shit happen to him. Its truly bizarre. He's fine by the way but will be able to add another crazy story to his already expansive repertoire.

Anyway, one thing led to another and talk of a visit came up, as it always does and then, well, steaminess happened. As steamy as you can get over the phone anyway. Fantasies talked about and planned, pictures exchanged, and beautiful messiness occurred.

Yes, definitely a goner.  A panting, sweating, writhing, scream-stifling goner.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

one of those posts where I can't think of a title

Sometimes beautiful things get lost in the complications and messiness of life, sex, and relationships.

I respect that people handle things in different ways based on personality, experience, and all manner of other circumstances. That does not mean that I always get it. I don't understand how you can simply throw away an awesome friendship. I get the reasoning based on a messy past but I disagree with the solution of "sorry, best wishes". In my opinion, both parties are missing out on the awesome that is the other person. An awesome they both know very well exists. Its a total unnecessary shortchanging. But whaddaya gonna do? Inconsistency has always been the name of the game in this situation and I should not have been surprised. Best wishes indeed.

I missed out on an opportunity to see Aaron this week due to a work obligation. But plans are to make up for that very soon I hope. Dave asked to see me the other day but I wasn't in the mood. I am now in the mood however. I'm also itching to see Cash again for some reason. We had very tentative plans a couple of weeks ago and those fell through. But damn. I'm wildly physically attracted to him and as I've learned, attraction is a mysterious thing. The whos and whys are sometimes unexplainable. Attraction just IS.

I'm having lunch tomorrow with my very sweet and very sexy friend and first play partner ever. I respect boundaries but goddamn I'd like to play with him again. I'll settle for his friendship though and that's really not settling at all because his friendship is more valuable to me than anything else. He's good people.

Kiss me here.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Changing landscape of the traditional marriage

I found this interview to be very interesting. I need to process my thoughts on it so am posting the link here for your reading pleasure and so I can find it again easily.

Why We Cheat. Spouses in happy marriages have affairs. What are we all looking for?

And here's a funny, because it made me grin. Thankfully, my therapist is a bit more open and less traditional minded. 

Thursday, March 20, 2014

my head. it is a'sploding.

A lesser woman would probably delete the demonically possessed post below but fuck it. Sometimes you just have to keep it real and besides, constant sunshine and rainbows is complete bullshit. You gotta let the ugly out occasionally or it will eat you alive.

Random thoughts swirling in my throbbing head...

I have an urge to go shopping. I have an excellent reason with the new job I start on Monday. Wait, what am I saying? You don't need a reason.

Sometimes you run across someone who you really click with, have a lot in common with, and who seems to be on the same wavelength, despite obvious differences. I've been exchanging some novel length emails with such a person. We'll call him "Mark" and leave it at that for now.

You should know that I am writing this post because it is after 1:00 am and I am procrastinating on laundry and some housework that must get done before I go to work in the morning. And by "work" I mean lugging boxes of personal belongings to my car.

Do not throw Bible verses at my friends who are suffering in ways you can never understand. Just because you believe that "God" is your almighty strength and will never leave you hanging, don't assume that belief is right for everyone. Jesus Fucking Christ people, get a clue. And leave my friends alone with that shit. They need support, not a goddamn sermon.

Would you believe that I never used to curse until well into my adult years? Shocking I know.

There's a quote by Rose Kennedy that says, “It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." True story.

I have a serious girl crush on Emma Stone. She has the best face ever.

The End.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

i'm a raging lunatic...a fat one

Disclaimer: I am PMSing so hard right now that I can't even stand myself. Keep that in mind as you wade through this whiny, shit filled, petty post. But it is how I feel at this moment and this is my blog. So there.

I realize full well that confidence is sexy and makes up for a multitude of physical flaws. I fake confidence pretty well most of the time but sometimes, well, I got nuthin'. Like now. I am severely hating on the body and have been for a long time..actually, forever. I've never been happy with it, even when I was skinny, so I think its just a thing for me. Body loathing. And it's only getting worse now that I'm fat and as I add age to the equation.

I honestly have no idea why Aaron or Dave or any of the men I've been with are fucking my fatty ass self. I guess its a good thing my personality is fucking awesome because all I see when I look in the mirror is grossness. I've been with a couple of men who could have their choice of women (and do). It intimidates me. And not just men. For instance, there's a couple who have been gently trying to persuade me to join them in the bedroom for a while now and the woman intimidates the ever loving shit out of me. Her body is amazing and there is NO way I'm getting naked next to her. Ridiculous? I don't think so. Logical in my twisted head because why would I make myself feel even worse by doing that?

And I can't help but think about how men have to be comparing my flabby self to other women they've fucked or are fucking. How can they possibly not be? Skinnier, younger, prettier, fitter women. And then I get mad at myself for thinking these things and go eat an entire pint of ice cream and three cupcakes because we all know that's helpful.

Ugh. Girls are stupid. And I have a headache. That is all.