Sunday, September 26, 2010

The truth hurts

Humor is usually my defense mechanism but I'm fresh out of sarcastic self-depreciating banter. Maybe.

A family member made a comment about me this weekend that shattered my already fragile confidence about my physical self. All these photos you see here and the sexy confident talk? The chatter is fake confidence that I share on the better days and the photos are products of good lighting, some mad cropping skilz, and strategically placed towels and clothing. So basically, its fake, all of it.

I'm not proud of the fact that one sentence from someone with about as much tact as Ann Coulter ruined my entire weekend and caused me to cry for hours. But it did. And I'm not even PMSing y'all. I don't ever forget things that hurt me so this is always and forever going to be in the back of my mind. What makes it worse is that its true and was spoken with brutal honesty by someone who has no reason not to be completely candid. She simply called it like she saw it. It stung. Bad.

I'm depressed about it and that makes me angry. And even with reassurances that "she didn't mean anything by it", that "you're sexy and beautiful" and "people are stupid"...I'm not buying it. I know my flaws but it hurts when other people point them out so glaringly.

I'm not sure what its going to take for me to feel sexy and attractive again. Probably time and about 30 less pounds. But until then I'm going to be overly dramatic and shower in the dark and avoid mirrors.

Goodnight.

Xoxo,
Bella

Thursday, September 23, 2010

dinner with bloggers, vegas and burlesque...via bullets

Ok, just to catch you up a bit on stuff 'n things...
  • I had dinner with 13 Messages and Hubman a week or so ago. I never thought when I started this particular blog that I would have the chance to hang out with other bloggers face to face, in real life, mano y mano, or something like that. I showed Hubman some of that southern hospitality and chaffeured him to and from his hotel and the restaurant where we met up with 13. If anyone at a nearby table was listening in, they got an earful of sexy conversation about open marriage, swinging and the like. Lucky eavesdroppers! It was a great time in the company of two sweet and sexy gentlemen.  
  • Our Vegas trip with C-Man and M is in two weeks!!!! I am so excited I can hardly stand it!!! It will be a whirlwind trip due to babysitter issues on our end but we will make the best of our very limited time there and I know that its gonna be a blast! I've never been to Vegas but its about to get checked off my bucket list. And the fact that I get to go with Mr. Man AND meet up with C-Man and M there in a swanky hotel AND have wild crazy hot sexy time, well now, that's just biscuits and gravy right there! I cannot fucking wait!!!! Can you tell??? You know those valley girls who say "OHMAHGAWD, OHMAHGAWD, OHMAHGAWD" a lot? That's me right now thinking about this trip.
  • I have no idea what came over me but I have signed up for six weeks of burlesque classes. They start in just over a week. What.The.Hell. A friend happened to mention being interested in going and in a moment of temporary yet all encompassing insanity, I agreed to go with her. After the deed was done and the class registered and paid for, I thought about one of my favorite bloggers, Babe Lincoln and her foray into the world of burlesque. Would it be weird to say that I wish she could go with me to that first class? I need moral support and my friend who got me into this in the first place is as clueless as I am. I'm trying to embrace things outside my normal comfort zone and this definitely qualifies. I've never taken a dance class in my life and I have no rhythm unless I'm drunk off my ass, and then I only THINK I do. But it will be fun I hope and intimidating I'm sure. Hilarity is sure to ensue. Or a broken leg.
Have a great night!
xoxo,
Bella

Sunday, September 19, 2010

its safe to come out now

Wow that last post was pissy huh? This one will probably be incoherent as it is 3:00am and I've drank just enough wine to regret it in the morning. Poor Mr. Man is sick with a sinus infection and went to bed early so I've been a bit bored and lonely. However, I did make it through mountains of laundry and enough raw cookie dough to kill somebody.

Its nights like these that make me wish for a local playmate who I can call up and say "hey, come hang with me and lets cuddle and kiss and touch". I'd pour him a glass or three of wine while wearing my flannal pajamas and he'd hold me in his lap in the recliner. But I don't have this option and so I fold laundry and watch HGTV. And that's ok I guess.

I hope you've all had a good night.
xoxo,
Bella

Saturday, September 18, 2010

boys, fingers in ears & close your eyes, this is girl stuff

Guys, seriously, you've been warned.

Does having several orgasms during your period make it heavier or something? Because I am gushing right now and it totally sucks. Also, I have probably mentioned this before but when I get my hands on that biblical bitch Eve, I am going to fucking cut her. A goddamn apple?!?!?! A goddamn apple is why I am bleeding all over the place, doubled over with cramps and endured physical agony of the girly bits while giving birth?? What.The.Hell. A big gooey piece of chocolate cake, I would totally get it. But a piece of fruit? Fucking moron. Cutting her I tell you. To shreds.

Ok, I feel better now. Back to sleep if I can manage it. Have a nice day. And don't mess with me right now.

xoxo,
Bella

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

touch me here


Life has been crazy and blogging light.
So, here's a pic until I can wrap my head around what I want to say next.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

the men in my life & the orgasms they give me

So, in the midst of my stressing lately I'm happy to report that the past few days have also included some seriously hot sexy time. And really, what's better for treating anxiety than a few mindblowing orgasms right? Right.

First there's my sweet and sexy Mr. Man. We took advantage of a day off together and had brunch at one of our favorite places, came home, pulled into the garage and the next thing I know, Mr. Man has my pants down and I'm bent over the back of his car being fucked. Hard. With the garage door wide open. There was even hair pulling. It had been a while since we had what I call "adventurous sex". Back in the day we used to fuck all over the place, in parks, on top of cars, in the theater building at college, oral sex while driving down the road, etc etc. So the open garage session was unexpected, spontaneous, and hot as hell. One of my favorite positions is the man behind me, grabbing my hips and breasts, and pulling me onto his cock fast and hard. Its rhythmic and powerful and Mr. Man is an expert at it. Gawd I'm lucky.


C-Man also rocked my world this week. Somehow, he worked his magic on me and in one phone call gave me not one, not two, but three crazy hard orgasms. I think I've mentioned that phone sex hasn't been my thing in the past, a few times with Jr. High Douche and that's really about the extent of it. Until C-Man got me all hot and bothered with his "fast and northerny" voice in my ear. He says just the right things to me in just the right way. He doms me over the phone as much as that is possible to do and I love it. We had been talking dirty to each other throughout the day and I was needing a release. I was home alone that evening and decided to get naked and get out my favorite vibe. I was dripping and ready to cum before the phone call so the first orgasm was quick and strong and furious. The second one came almost immediately after the first. The third took longer but C-Man is a persistant guy and damn good at making his sexy words translate into climaxes for me, so number three was well worth the extra time. I'm not as good at dirty talk as he is but he managed to shoot cum into his hair anyway. Heehee.

So big thank yous to the men in my life for helping me to take a break from my overactive mind and just lose myself in the pleasure of my own body. Best.Therapy.Ever.

xoxo,
Bella