Product review...the portable orgasm

Get your orgasms to go! Climaxes on the run! Discreet pleasure when you need it! What's not to love about that right? Except that most pocket vibes are lame. There, I said it. I've had a few and they are always weak little bullets of finger numbing wastes of money. But the truth is, I WANT a pocket rocket vibrator that I can throw in my purse so I can be ready when that impromptu moment presents itself, as it sometimes does.

I remained hopeful while product testing this mini vibe from EdenFantasys. Here's a photo of it next to my hand so you can get an idea of scale. (And yes, I have long thin fingers and no, I have never played the piano. Do you know how many times I have been asked that question?)

The technical stuff...the vibe comes with five different attachments made of a hard but somewhat flexible and smooth material. All attachments are a pretty blue transparent color. The vibe itself is very lightweight and is also waterproof, which is a feature I always like but rarely use for some reason. It requires a AA battery (included) and I'd consider it a "quiet" toy. The intensity level is more than adequate for me, meaning that my girly parts thoroughly enjoyed themselves depending on the amount of pressure applied and didn't go numb with too intense of a vibration either. The on/off switch is better than many I've encountered and goes from "on" to "off" to "open" (for battery installation) with a twist of the base.

Let's talk about those attachments shall we? The attachments fit snugly on the head of the vibe and are easy to change out. I tested them all and had my favorites. I loved the two bullet-like ones, as well as the one that looks like a chess piece.

But then there were the others that creeped me out and made me laugh at the same time. Maybe its because sometimes I revert to adolescence, but the mini-hand attachment made me giggle so much that I couldn't even use it past the initial test. All I could think of was that this might be what it felt like to have a slightly overgrown Smurf try to give me an orgasm. It was never going to work. The tongue attachment actually felt good but I couldn't get the Smurf image out of my mind with that one either so I completely lost my masturbatory mojo while trying to use those two.

My plan of action for this toy? I'll pop on one of nubby shaped attachments (probably the bullet one), leave the others in my drawer o' sex toys and slip this vibe into my purse in order to be prepared for anything. Oh, and in case you were wondering, I did climax using this toy so I declare it a winner in the mini-vibe category.

xoxo,
Bella

Breast love

I used to HATE my boobs. I thought they were too small. I had serious issues with them and was really sensitive about their size.

But after having a child they seem to have come into their own, or maybe I have, and now I love them.
Never droopy or saggy, always perky and at attention. Clothes hang well on them and a simple sports bra is all I need for support when I run.

One day maybe I'll come to terms with my tummy, an area that most definitely did not improve after baby. But whatever. Long live the boobies!

Xoxo,
Bella

I spent my 12th anniversary in a strip club

Mr. Man and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary a couple of weeks ago. Twelve years. I can't even believe it. We've been together as a couple for about fifteen though which boggles my mind even more. And makes me feel quite old. And extremely lucky. I have friends who have been married three times within just half of the number of years that Mr. Man and I have been together. We have ups and downs like every couple but we're still here dammit. And stronger than ever I think.

To celebrate, we recruited a babysitter and I took my man to dinner in one of those hipster neighborhoods where everyone looks like they need a shower and probably recycle and eat organic. Dinner was fabulous though, as was the people-watching. Afterwards we went for a stroll and kind of looked at each other and said "now what"? We drove by one of the local swinger clubs and discussed checking it out. But we always talk and never do and that night was no different. Another thing we often discuss is going to a strip club. We decided that if we wouldn't even enter a strip joint then there was no way in hell we'd ever get up the nerve to go to the swinger place. Finally, Mr. Man had enough talking about it and said "let's just fucking do it, I'm going to the atm right now for cash". And so we did.

I had no basis for comparison and didn't know what to expect except for what I'd seen in the movies. And you know what? It was pretty much just like that. Most of the girls looked bored out of their minds and I kept wanting to yell at them to smile a little and act like they were semi-enjoying themselves. But what do I know about stripping right? So I kept my mouth shut and watched the girls take turns on the first stage, slink off and go to another stage and repeat the dance. One of the strippers came up to us and chatted for a minute. She told us about some options for dances for couples and she was so cute I just wanted to take her home and be her bff. I will say, the girls were very attractive and in great shape for the most part. Some danced better than others and a few of them truly amazed me with their athleticism. The club was clean and there were humongous but friendly looking bouncers all over the place. I felt safe and there were other women in the audience so I didn't feel out of place in that way at all.

I had warned Mr. Man that I could go either way and to be prepared for me to either be really uncomfortable and pissy, or to be totally cool and enjoy it. I'd say I fell somewhere in the middle of that emotional spectrum, leaning more towards the "totally cool and enjoying it" side of things. I was a bit tense for whatever reason and could never really completely relax and let loose.We had neglected to BYOB and I decided that I need alcohol to truly enjoy it to the fullest. What can I say? I need a crutch every now and then.

So next time we'll show up with some Jack Daniels, plenty of cash and there will be close proximity nakedness. Mr. Man wants to watch me get a lap dance so that's on the list for a visit in the near future I hope.

So look out y'all, next stop...Bella and Mr. Man visit the swinger club. Haha. Maybe. We'll see. Don't hold your breath.

Goodnight.

xoxo,
Bella

I feel like drinking

...but am too lazy to get up and get a glass of the raspberry dessert wine we have in the kitchen.

Life has been good lately, if a bit mentally conflicting. I am feeling more and more of the division between the two lives I'm leading. I'd like them to merge but I don't see how that is possible given my job and my family and certain friends. Its an odd thing, this double life. I guess we all live this way to a certain extent, compartmentalizing certain aspects for certain groups of people. One day I feel like the two sides have to collide in some dramatic way, probably by accident and it will end badly. Either that, or I will have to give up one of them in order to give my all to the one that is left standing. Perhaps I'll call it "Survival of the Fittest of Bella's Split Personalities" or some such. Winner takes all.   

Thinking about this sometimes makes me melancholy and causes me to wish for total anonymity, or maybe a chance to start over and try again. And yet, I realize that's not reality for me and I have to work within the boundaries I'm given. On the other hand, if I don't think too deeply about it I can see it as some sort of secret adventure that I'm on. A risky exciting incognito life I'm living. You know, upstanding Christian 30-something working mother by day, sexy swinger prancing about town in stripper heels by night. That kind of thing. The word hypocrite comes to mind.

But for now, I plod on, attempting a delicate balance between being the everyday Me and being Bella. For those few that know both as one multidimensional person, I appreciate you more than you can know.

xoxo,

Bella