Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
gimme more
I've always been pretty confident in my kissing abilities but validation and feedback are still nice.
It had been several days since Jake and I had our little lunchtime tryst and while I hoped he'd liked the little taste of me that I'd given him, I wasn't 100% certain that he wanted more. Maybe this was a one time make out session in the back parking lot of a nice restaurant and since I'd given up on ever touching the man anyway, I was prepared to be happy enough with that possibility.
Au contraire!
The text from him said "so, are we gonna do lunch again soon"? My response was a cool, "sure, just let me know when you're free". I got back this reply..."I say we eat somewhere quick and save more time for dessert"...and later "or we could just skip lunch altogether"...
BADA BING, BADA BOOM.
It had been several days since Jake and I had our little lunchtime tryst and while I hoped he'd liked the little taste of me that I'd given him, I wasn't 100% certain that he wanted more. Maybe this was a one time make out session in the back parking lot of a nice restaurant and since I'd given up on ever touching the man anyway, I was prepared to be happy enough with that possibility.
Au contraire!
The text from him said "so, are we gonna do lunch again soon"? My response was a cool, "sure, just let me know when you're free". I got back this reply..."I say we eat somewhere quick and save more time for dessert"...and later "or we could just skip lunch altogether"...
BADA BING, BADA BOOM.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
One of many reasons I keep blogging
I find it kind of amazing when my random, sometimes crude posts cause someone else to think about issues I've mentioned and then share their own perspectives and shape them into posts on their blogs. I always learn something about the other person, and many times about myself.
Fruit Taster did this the other day and as usual, his thoughts dance across the screen with a clarity that usually eludes my own writing.
Here's to being "sexful".
xoxo,
Bella
Fruit Taster did this the other day and as usual, his thoughts dance across the screen with a clarity that usually eludes my own writing.
Here's to being "sexful".
xoxo,
Bella
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
after midnight
It's after midnight (cue Eric Clapton) and I was sleeping so soundly until being woken by kiddo for her nightly cover check. I don't mind, as I know those days of her wanting mommy to carry her back to bed and tuck her in again are numbered.
Now that I'm up I've been reading a few of your blogs and wishing some of you were awake to talk to. Not about anything specific but sometimes I think a late night chat with a like-minded friend might settle my psyche. My brain is a very active place. I have so many partially completed thoughts, dreams and fantasies swirling about in my head and they seem to come the most alive in that not quite alert fogginess between sleep sessions.
I know I've written about this many times before but tonight, I was struck by how my computer's desktop reflects the dichotomy of my life. At one point earlier this evening I had four different internet tabs open at the same time. One was my vanilla blog, one was an email to my mother, one was Bella's dashboard and the last was one of my fellow blogger's sexy posts. I just looked at the tabs and shook my head at the bizarreness of me. I'm sure it's the same for many of you, this contradiction in personas. Its just....weird, a bit unsettling, and sometimes I can't quite wrap my head around it.
Sweet dreams to you.
xoxo,
Bella
Now that I'm up I've been reading a few of your blogs and wishing some of you were awake to talk to. Not about anything specific but sometimes I think a late night chat with a like-minded friend might settle my psyche. My brain is a very active place. I have so many partially completed thoughts, dreams and fantasies swirling about in my head and they seem to come the most alive in that not quite alert fogginess between sleep sessions.
Sweet dreams to you.
xoxo,
Bella
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Shake n' Jake
I mentioned the kissing Jake episode a couple of posts ago. Here's a very abbreviated back story...worked with him when Mr. Man and I had been married about a year. Super crush but never would have acted on it. Reconnected a few years later when he found me on Facebook, began talking, admitted crushing on each other, heavy flirtation ensued, enter open marriage situation, Jake says yes we'll hook up, I'll come over, oh wait, no we won't, I'm sick, can't get off work, got the days mixed up, blah blah blah, I finally get pissed enough to say stop the wishywashy and then I cave again although no naked Jake time has yet occurred...the end. Now that you're all caught up (ha), here's the current dealio...
Jake and I have continued to text/talk occasionally. I've stopped taking him seriously about playing with me but flirting with him is fun and we have a fun banter. My expectations for anything developing had been shelved however.
One day last week the option of having lunch was brought up and lo and behold, we actually ended up meeting at a local place for a meal. We pulled into the parking lot at the same time and greeted each other with a hug that lasted quite a bit longer than necessary. I wasn't sure what to expect, if this was going to be a buddy lunch or something sexier. After that hug and wandering hands I had my answer.
The meal was great. There was lots of flirting, eye contact, and outright inappropriate conversation of the fun flirty variety. He made me blush a couple of times and it appeared that the bar had been raised. Obviously, there's something very different about this kind of thing going on face to face versus online or via text. It can and should be, electric.
Lunch ended and we each had to head back to work. He walked me to my car and we hugged again. And didn't let go. I murmured something in his ear about how good he smelled. (Clever and original, I know. I've got skilz y'all, don't hate) We loosened our holds and turned our heads immediately into a kiss. A fervent-passionate-years-of-
He whispered "damn baby" (that's good, right boys???) and I asked if he was ok. He said yes and we kissed again. There was tongue people.... and he had a beard. Facial hair done correctly is a serious turn on for me. I got another breathless "damn baby" from him and we parted. He said he'd better go and scurried back to his car. I am hoping with a raging hard on because that would be cool.
Feeling the need to check the status, I asked him afterwards if my parking lot attack had been ok with him. Now, to be clear, this was a mutual "attack" but I am willing to take the blame for certain things in life. He said yes and asked if I'd do it again sometime. Haha. Dumb question.
Will there be more Jake facetime? Who the hell knows. I've learned not to hold my breath with this one. But I'm glad he made me lose it at least this once.
Jake and I have continued to text/talk occasionally. I've stopped taking him seriously about playing with me but flirting with him is fun and we have a fun banter. My expectations for anything developing had been shelved however.
One day last week the option of having lunch was brought up and lo and behold, we actually ended up meeting at a local place for a meal. We pulled into the parking lot at the same time and greeted each other with a hug that lasted quite a bit longer than necessary. I wasn't sure what to expect, if this was going to be a buddy lunch or something sexier. After that hug and wandering hands I had my answer.
The meal was great. There was lots of flirting, eye contact, and outright inappropriate conversation of the fun flirty variety. He made me blush a couple of times and it appeared that the bar had been raised. Obviously, there's something very different about this kind of thing going on face to face versus online or via text. It can and should be, electric.
Lunch ended and we each had to head back to work. He walked me to my car and we hugged again. And didn't let go. I murmured something in his ear about how good he smelled. (Clever and original, I know. I've got skilz y'all, don't hate) We loosened our holds and turned our heads immediately into a kiss. A fervent-passionate-years-of-
He whispered "damn baby" (that's good, right boys???) and I asked if he was ok. He said yes and we kissed again. There was tongue people.... and he had a beard. Facial hair done correctly is a serious turn on for me. I got another breathless "damn baby" from him and we parted. He said he'd better go and scurried back to his car. I am hoping with a raging hard on because that would be cool.
Feeling the need to check the status, I asked him afterwards if my parking lot attack had been ok with him. Now, to be clear, this was a mutual "attack" but I am willing to take the blame for certain things in life. He said yes and asked if I'd do it again sometime. Haha. Dumb question.
Will there be more Jake facetime? Who the hell knows. I've learned not to hold my breath with this one. But I'm glad he made me lose it at least this once.
Friday, January 13, 2012
realizations
As a friend commented, some people truly should live forever in your past. That's where they belong and they will never fit into your present.
Just because you don't act or feel the way someone wants you to, doesn't mean you're a bad person. It means you are your OWN person.
New friends are a good thing. Thank you to a new blogger crush for letting me bend his ear lately.
I will come back from adversity better and stronger than before. Karma and I are going to be just fine.
Just because you don't act or feel the way someone wants you to, doesn't mean you're a bad person. It means you are your OWN person.
New friends are a good thing. Thank you to a new blogger crush for letting me bend his ear lately.
I will come back from adversity better and stronger than before. Karma and I are going to be just fine.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Hello wound, meet salt
Stress fracture diagnosis only a couple hours old and I've already had an offer to buy my 1/2 marathon entry.
Today sucked.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless 4G LTE Phone
Today sucked.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless 4G LTE Phone
Making out with Jake
Sooooo, I kissed Jake yesterday.
Yes, THAT Jake. The dirty rotten scoundrel wishy-washy Jake who's been mentioned here before.
Full report to come.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless 4G LTE Phone
Yes, THAT Jake. The dirty rotten scoundrel wishy-washy Jake who's been mentioned here before.
Full report to come.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless 4G LTE Phone
Saturday, January 7, 2012
this is SUCH a white trash post
It's Saturday night and I'm bored. But that's better than puking at midnight from too much tequila, as was the case last night. I am too old for that much alcohol. I told a friend the other day that I knew my "sweet spot" for imbibing just enough alcohol to enjoy myself (and letting others enjoy me if that happens to be the scenario) but to avoid a morning hangover. This is true for beer and wine but is apparently NOT true for tequila. What.The.Hell.
I hope the Sean and his Psycho Wife drama is over. And I cross my fingers as I type that. There was some very mature (sarcasm) Facebook passive aggressiveness that went down which solidified my final decision to 1. block her and 2. tell Sean I want nothing to do with her. Additionally, the chick was/is hounding Sean to ask me and Mr. Man to dinner so we can "chat" (read, MURDER the ex-girlfriend over pot roast). This is after slamming me verbally and not allowing Sean to see or speak to me because she is afraid I am going to "steal him away", among other things too ridiculous to mention here. Trust me, there is some wicked back story that I can't even write about due to the risk of my eyeballs bursting in rage. My answer to that invitation was a big hella no, I want nothing to do with your two-bit whore skank wife. Ok, so I didn't use those EXACT words but I did not spare the "fuck her"s and "grow a pair"s. What? I can be as classy or as white trash as the situation warrants. Its a shame, but really? I'd like Sean to be in my life but I'm not sure that's possible with his bizarre baggage.
Ok I'm done. Keep it classy Bella, keep it classy.
I hope the Sean and his Psycho Wife drama is over. And I cross my fingers as I type that. There was some very mature (sarcasm) Facebook passive aggressiveness that went down which solidified my final decision to 1. block her and 2. tell Sean I want nothing to do with her. Additionally, the chick was/is hounding Sean to ask me and Mr. Man to dinner so we can "chat" (read, MURDER the ex-girlfriend over pot roast). This is after slamming me verbally and not allowing Sean to see or speak to me because she is afraid I am going to "steal him away", among other things too ridiculous to mention here. Trust me, there is some wicked back story that I can't even write about due to the risk of my eyeballs bursting in rage. My answer to that invitation was a big hella no, I want nothing to do with your two-bit whore skank wife. Ok, so I didn't use those EXACT words but I did not spare the "fuck her"s and "grow a pair"s. What? I can be as classy or as white trash as the situation warrants. Its a shame, but really? I'd like Sean to be in my life but I'm not sure that's possible with his bizarre baggage.
Ok I'm done. Keep it classy Bella, keep it classy.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
just cuddle me dammit
Here's a little secret.
Sometimes I don't want sex but I do want to just cuddle. Cliche? Perhaps, but that doesn't make it not true. I don't always need or want sex to feel intimacy. And it hurts my feelings a smidge when I can't just be held or caressed without being expected to "put out" as the grand finale of a cuddle session. It kind of taints the enjoyment of the touching. Because in my crazy little brain I'm thinking, "ok, we've been cuddling for about 3.42 minutes, I'll probably be expected to spread'em in another 2.56 or so"...I'm counting how much time I have left to enjoy the cuddling. So maybe that's a slight exaggeration but you get my point.
The truth of the matter is that the closer I feel to you, the more I will want to rip your clothes off and fuck your brains out. And I feel closer to you when we can sometimes just cuddle, talk, kiss, hold hands, watch tv together in bed snuggled under the covers, all that girly mushy crap. Sometimes I like just doing those things and that's enough for the time being. Maybe you won't get sex after snuggling with me tonight, but tomorrow night I will be remembering how sweet you were, how good it felt to be in your arms, what a romantic guy you are, and I will want to ride you like a drunk cowgirl. That way, we both win!
Bottom line...occasional cuddling-only sessions will fuel future passionate fuck sessions. Trust me, it really works that way. I'm all for a better balance of sex and cuddling. Fair and Balanced Sex and Cuddling folks, that's my platform.
That is all. Goodnight.
xoxo,
Bella
Sometimes I don't want sex but I do want to just cuddle. Cliche? Perhaps, but that doesn't make it not true. I don't always need or want sex to feel intimacy. And it hurts my feelings a smidge when I can't just be held or caressed without being expected to "put out" as the grand finale of a cuddle session. It kind of taints the enjoyment of the touching. Because in my crazy little brain I'm thinking, "ok, we've been cuddling for about 3.42 minutes, I'll probably be expected to spread'em in another 2.56 or so"...I'm counting how much time I have left to enjoy the cuddling. So maybe that's a slight exaggeration but you get my point.
The truth of the matter is that the closer I feel to you, the more I will want to rip your clothes off and fuck your brains out. And I feel closer to you when we can sometimes just cuddle, talk, kiss, hold hands, watch tv together in bed snuggled under the covers, all that girly mushy crap. Sometimes I like just doing those things and that's enough for the time being. Maybe you won't get sex after snuggling with me tonight, but tomorrow night I will be remembering how sweet you were, how good it felt to be in your arms, what a romantic guy you are, and I will want to ride you like a drunk cowgirl. That way, we both win!
Bottom line...occasional cuddling-only sessions will fuel future passionate fuck sessions. Trust me, it really works that way. I'm all for a better balance of sex and cuddling. Fair and Balanced Sex and Cuddling folks, that's my platform.
That is all. Goodnight.
xoxo,
Bella
Monday, January 2, 2012
sleepy post
I took a "sleep aid" a little bit ago so if this ends abruptly its because I've dozed off. Today was pretty productive for me. Made good progress on a work project, got back in the gym and otherwise prioritized some things. I've also been talking with a couple of potential babysitters so here's hoping for a better balance of mommy Bella and sexy Bella. Whatever that entails. Not that mom's can't be sexy but eh, whatever. I know what I meant.
Oh, guess who has turned out to be completely psycho? Sean's wife. I knew she was crazy but she's proving to truly have her husband's balls in a vice. At first she was "fine" with Sean talking to me but has since waffled and now its all weird and I am apparently not allowed to speak to him. I find this somewhat hilarious but also sad. There's some back story to all of this as she was on and off with him in our college days. He asked if he could mail me my race t-shirt since I guess he's not allowed to even drop it by my office or come within 10 feet of me so he can at least throw it my direction. I told him to just keep it. On one hand I'm thinking dude, grow a pair and stop letting her walk all over you. But then again, there are kids involved and I can't relate to his situation so who am I to judge? And so I'm keeping my opinions to myself and sharing them with strangers on the internet (ha). It makes me even more thankful that Mr. Man is a reasonable guy and that we don't have this bizarre animosity that they seem to have been dealing with for years. Where is the love people, where is the love???
And now I am truly about to faceplant onto the keyboard.
Goodnight lovers.
xoxo,
Bella
Oh, guess who has turned out to be completely psycho? Sean's wife. I knew she was crazy but she's proving to truly have her husband's balls in a vice. At first she was "fine" with Sean talking to me but has since waffled and now its all weird and I am apparently not allowed to speak to him. I find this somewhat hilarious but also sad. There's some back story to all of this as she was on and off with him in our college days. He asked if he could mail me my race t-shirt since I guess he's not allowed to even drop it by my office or come within 10 feet of me so he can at least throw it my direction. I told him to just keep it. On one hand I'm thinking dude, grow a pair and stop letting her walk all over you. But then again, there are kids involved and I can't relate to his situation so who am I to judge? And so I'm keeping my opinions to myself and sharing them with strangers on the internet (ha). It makes me even more thankful that Mr. Man is a reasonable guy and that we don't have this bizarre animosity that they seem to have been dealing with for years. Where is the love people, where is the love???
And now I am truly about to faceplant onto the keyboard.
Goodnight lovers.
xoxo,
Bella
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