Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Frances and Bella's Sexy Weekend; A Teaser Post

As I mentioned towards the end of this post, I have been looking forward to a weekend getaway with a new friend. That getaway happened this past weekend and...IT.WAS.SEXY.AS.FUCK.

Frances has started to recap over at her new blog so go check it out! The cropped photo that she posted here is one of my many favorites from the weekend and I swear if I could frame it and hang it up in my house, I totally would.

I will post details from my perspective very soon, but until then, I leave you with this.


More soon lovelies.

xoxo,
Bella


Monday, February 18, 2013

real life turned dream

There are some experiences in my life that now seem as if they only happened in a dream. I can recall them if I want to, or not. Like a movie I can play over and over again in my mind and pause, fast forward, or rewind.

There are even a few people I was once fiercely close to who now seem to have only been characters in mental dreamscapes from a long time ago.

This doesn't sadden me. I rather like it really. I like thinking back and noting when this or that happened and realizing that at that particular point in my real-life-experience turned dream-movie, that thing was meant to be a lesson for me to remember and use in the future.

“Hold fast to dreams,
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird,
That cannot fly.”
― Langston Hughes

Friday, February 15, 2013

On my mind

Opening a relationship can be precarious, much like playing with fire. But I suppose everything comes with its own amount of risk. I know of more than one couple who have opened their marriage and BOOM, one party falls in love with someone they played with and things are forever changed. Be careful people. Watch your back. Pay attention. And while nothing is foolproof, it would be wise to consider the risks before going down the road to openness.

I've discussed this before, but my libido is completely dead lately. As a doornail. I'm actually going to the doctor about it Monday because I suspect its partly a medication issue that can be helped. That, and a body image issue and a self image issue and just a plethora of fucking (or not fucking, as the case may be) issues that remain unnamed. I don't want to be that spouse who never thinks about sex, never sucks her man off, never initiates naked time. I hate those spouses/partners, they actually make me angry. I know for me, this has always been a cyclical thing, but enough already. This particular iteration of the cycle needs to be over immediately. My heart and brain want it, my body doesn't give a shit.

I go to meet my new friend next week. I'm a bit worried that what I mentioned above will taint the weekend but I'm hoping to pull it together by then. I do think there is also a very good chance that this visit will shock my libido into action and I'll become an unstoppable sex machine. Now wouldn't that be nice? Stay tuned for pictures and recap that I hope we will post here and on Twitter. I make no promises of course but that is my hope. Oh one more thing about that, my new friend is female. How 'bout them apples?

Mr. Man and I are going out tomorrow night (if the babysitter doesn't bail). I believe the plans are a movie and I'm also going to spring a little shopping trip on him. Bella needs new panties and maybe a new piece of lingerie or two. See people, I am TRYING here. 

xoxo,
Bella



Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Friday, February 1, 2013

thwarted by buttpaste

Sometimes I feel like a huge failure as a wife when it comes to that whole sexual partner thing. Like tonight for example. I'm sitting here waiting to rinse out hair color when I had thought I'd be sucking Mr. Man's cock instead.

The stage had been set. We were in good moods. Sexting had occurred between he and I, plus some friends. We'd teased each other with sexy pics of things to come. The offspring was almost in her bed. Things were about to get diiiiiiirty up in herrr.

And then, the offspring needs some diaper cream applied to a raw bum. And mommy to wipe her ass. Which I do because that's my job and I love her.

However, that two minute task was enough and I could literally feel the sexy leaving the building. That damn sexy just whooshed right out the front door and probably went over to the neighbors who don't have kids.

So I put the darling to bed, go sit on the couch next to Mr. Man and sigh heavily. The mood is lost and I recommend that he get a mistress in order to outsource the sex when things like this happen and I go from sexpot to snotpot in a split second. He laughs because he is adorable.

This wouldn't be so bad if the night before I hadn't had a lovely friend get me off and I him, via text while my hard working and exhausted husband slept. It seems horribly unfair and wrong to have the next night end with me and a box of Garnier Nutrisse #30 on my head while hubs retires to the bedroom, unsatisfied, if good natured about it. To be clear, he isn't complaining. This is just me and my self guilt here.

I realize that this is just one moment in time and that on another day I will be oozing sexuality and back to fucking with gusto. But in this moment I feel guilt. I feel lame. I feel like a woman who can't balance motherhood with being an erotic female. I kind of get those women who just give in to the mom jeans and the minivans and the old college sweatshirts. I don't want sex to become an obligation. Just another chore to complete before collapsing into bed as early as possible because you know you are going to be awakened in an hour by a four year old who needs you to hunt down her stuffed Yoda doll, or to go potty, or to rearrange her covers just so.

I sometimes wonder if having an open relationship is really worth it. I mean, if I can't balance motherhood (of only ONE child for god's sake) and the needs of my sweet patient husband, what business do I have trying to complicate that task with others? But that's a post simmering in my head for another time.

This mistress thing though....that idea has merit.

xoxo,
Bella