Saturday, March 29, 2014

Changing landscape of the traditional marriage

I found this interview to be very interesting. I need to process my thoughts on it so am posting the link here for your reading pleasure and so I can find it again easily.

Why We Cheat. Spouses in happy marriages have affairs. What are we all looking for?

And here's a funny, because it made me grin. Thankfully, my therapist is a bit more open and less traditional minded. 



Thursday, March 20, 2014

my head. it is a'sploding.

A lesser woman would probably delete the demonically possessed post below but fuck it. Sometimes you just have to keep it real and besides, constant sunshine and rainbows is complete bullshit. You gotta let the ugly out occasionally or it will eat you alive.

Random thoughts swirling in my throbbing head...

I have an urge to go shopping. I have an excellent reason with the new job I start on Monday. Wait, what am I saying? You don't need a reason.

Sometimes you run across someone who you really click with, have a lot in common with, and who seems to be on the same wavelength, despite obvious differences. I've been exchanging some novel length emails with such a person. We'll call him "Mark" and leave it at that for now.

You should know that I am writing this post because it is after 1:00 am and I am procrastinating on laundry and some housework that must get done before I go to work in the morning. And by "work" I mean lugging boxes of personal belongings to my car.

Do not throw Bible verses at my friends who are suffering in ways you can never understand. Just because you believe that "God" is your almighty strength and will never leave you hanging, don't assume that belief is right for everyone. Jesus Fucking Christ people, get a clue. And leave my friends alone with that shit. They need support, not a goddamn sermon.

Would you believe that I never used to curse until well into my adult years? Shocking I know.

There's a quote by Rose Kennedy that says, “It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." True story.

I have a serious girl crush on Emma Stone. She has the best face ever.

The End.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

i'm a raging lunatic...a fat one

Disclaimer: I am PMSing so hard right now that I can't even stand myself. Keep that in mind as you wade through this whiny, shit filled, petty post. But it is how I feel at this moment and this is my blog. So there.

I realize full well that confidence is sexy and makes up for a multitude of physical flaws. I fake confidence pretty well most of the time but sometimes, well, I got nuthin'. Like now. I am severely hating on the body and have been for a long time..actually, forever. I've never been happy with it, even when I was skinny, so I think its just a thing for me. Body loathing. And it's only getting worse now that I'm fat and as I add age to the equation.

I honestly have no idea why Aaron or Dave or any of the men I've been with are fucking my fatty ass self. I guess its a good thing my personality is fucking awesome because all I see when I look in the mirror is grossness. I've been with a couple of men who could have their choice of women (and do). It intimidates me. And not just men. For instance, there's a couple who have been gently trying to persuade me to join them in the bedroom for a while now and the woman intimidates the ever loving shit out of me. Her body is amazing and there is NO way I'm getting naked next to her. Ridiculous? I don't think so. Logical in my twisted head because why would I make myself feel even worse by doing that?

And I can't help but think about how men have to be comparing my flabby self to other women they've fucked or are fucking. How can they possibly not be? Skinnier, younger, prettier, fitter women. And then I get mad at myself for thinking these things and go eat an entire pint of ice cream and three cupcakes because we all know that's helpful.

Ugh. Girls are stupid. And I have a headache. That is all.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Kid gets an A+ for confidence

Barely Legal Boy: Always wanted to experience someone your age ;)

Me:  While you're pretty adorable, I think it says in the Constitution somewhere that women "my age" can't fuck anyone who isn't yet old enough to buy me a drink. I should know because I was there when they signed that document. ;) However, give me your school colors and maybe I'll knit you an afghan or something while I'm watching Lawrence Welk this weekend. You're a cutie though. Have a great day!

BLB: Maybe that wasn't the best conversation starter, but I'm pretty sure 18 is just right for anyone. What do you think? ;) don't give me that, you aren't ancient, you're just at that cougar age! ;)

Me:  Lol! (I'm still allowed to say that, aren't I?) You're cracking me up. Thanks, I think. You know I'm totally gonna tell all my friends in the nursing home about this conversation, right?

BLB:  Of course you are, no age limits here. Haha, very funny. I think you're being a little hard on yourself, how about you lay back an let me be the hard one ;) lol.

Me:  Oh I'm just teasing. I'm fully aware of my skills as an older woman. I'll let you ponder what I could do with that hardness while I get my little one to school.

BLB:  Doesn't take much to ponder on, you know very well what you could do with this hardness ;) and what I could do with it. Hmmm home alone? :p

This is where I ended the conversation because I was busy and I figure no need to stroke a cocky teenage boy's ego any more than necessary. Made me smile though. But, no.

xoxo,
Bella

Monday, March 17, 2014

Hard times two. A wall against my back and a man against my front.

Morning texts...

Aaron: When?
Me: Yesterday you tease. Immediately. Right fucking now.
A: Where are you?
Me: In bed. Horny as fuck.
A: Me too.
Me: Have time today? I was about to masturbate but....
A: 11:30?
Me: Perfect. I'm going to attack you.
A: Straight here..no panties. I want you soaking wet.
Me: Yes.

I assaulted him upon entering. He pushed me up against the door and serious making out and groping ensued. I do so love a wall pressed against my back and a man pressed against my front. We made our way hurriedly to the bedroom and clothes quickly met the floor. I wanted to be fucked more than anything and he obliged. I don't even remember the order of events and it doesn't matter. He fucked me. I sucked him. He shot ropes of cum into my mouth. He tasted delicious as always. I cleaned his cock and chest (don't ask me how cum got on his chest, but it did) with my tongue. I brought out my toy while he finger fucked me and licked my pussy. His mouth and tongue felt so amazing between my legs. I asked him if I could scream. Finally I did and we collapsed onto sweaty sheets. Satisfying and exhausting.

A good day overall although I felt a little "off" this afternoon and I can't pinpoint the cause. Nothing major, just a bit unsettled or restless or something. I'm confident it will pass. It always does. Its just more annoying than anything. I'm thinking I should try meditation or yoga or something mind calming.

Or just more sex.

xoxo.
Bella


Wanna pinch me?

Happy St. Patrick's Day!


Monday, March 10, 2014

intensity

Intensity: the quality or state of being intense; especially: extreme degree of strength, force, energy, or feeling. Synonyms: ardency, emotion, enthusiasm, fervency, fervidness, fervor, fire, heat, intenseness, ardor, passion, passionateness, vehemence, violence, warmth, white heat
I met Aaron for lunch last week (at least I think it was last week...time and days are running together in my mind lately) at a new-to-me Greek restaurant. The food and company were delicious of course and afterwards, I went to his house for a bit. 

When I think about the sex we had, the word "intense" keeps coming to mind. I have occasionally had some very NON intense sex but I suppose what constitutes intense for some is quite different for others. This was just....GRRRRRR. Frantic and raw and wild.

Afterwards he said something to the effect of "now THAT is how it's supposed to be". And I agree wholeheartedly. An afternoon of letting your mind and body over to wild abandon in an environment of trust, free of drama or potential conflict. The absence of those last two things allow me to free my mind so much. As sex is such a mental thing for me, this lets me enjoy it that much more. Its a first-rate cycle of goodness.

I left his place sated and ready to return to my other life.

Intense, with a side of mental freedom.

xoxo,
Bella



Saturday, March 8, 2014

the good stuff

Mr. Man gives the best back rubs, which always first relax me, then turn me on, and culminate in sex. I lay on my side and he does the same behind me, facing my back and mirroring my body position with his own. After all these years together he knows just how and where to touch me to make me writhe with delight. I audibly purr my pleasure and stretch like a feline. Goosebumps happen and I involuntarily arch my back and protrude my ass into his crotch.

Thus, the signal.

I want him to part my legs and feel how wet he's made me with his light touches on my back, breasts, and bottom. He rolls me over and pulls me to the edge of the bed while he stands over me. His stiffness probes my ass and I know what he wants. He hands me my vibrator and encourages me to tease my dripping pussy with its nubs. I feel his cock slowly enter my asshole, nerve endings tingling, made even more sensitive by this most pleasurable of intrusions. I see his face framed between my calves resting on his shoulders and his hands are making imprints on my thighs, pulling me onto him and him into me. My clit is pulsing at the insistence of my toy and I find a rhythm to match his thrusts.

He climaxes into my ass and I soon find my own intense release. We collapse around each other in the same position as we began.

Goodnight all,
Bella